battered & broken.

Battered.

A reoccurring word to me the past week.

This summer I am working in a low cost clinic as a part of my Masters Internship, that I absolutely adore. It has been so eye-opening to me, and I have already learned so much. Learned so much about the heart of God. The women over the clinic are prayer warriors and I am so incredibly thankful for them. It is an amazing opportunity to work in a place that I am free to pray with my patients, and speak openly about the Lord.

Well the past week the Lord has been really re-breaking my heart by brokenness. My heart is for girls to reach the potential the Lord has for them, to their "promised land" here, to understand their identity, their worth, and how much the Lord lavishes His love on them. It has been for some time. I had kind of lost sight of that in a season of hardship, refinement for me. Lost sight of the Lord's heart in me for theirs.

However, I have had a rare situation this week with a theme amongst my patients. Two things; most of them have been female, most of them are abused, and not only abused - but severely. It's hard for me even to articulate what I have seen this week so I won't really try. But these are beautiful, incredible women, whom you would look at & not for once second guess the horrendous acts that are happening to them and their beautiful children. As my last patient of the day, whose "husband" stabbed her 18 times in the arm - and to put it gently and as pieced together as I possibly can, looked like she has been attacked by a lion, walked out of the room, I ran upstairs and just sat there and cried. Yes, I had seen a concentrated amount of women that day who had had this happened to them, but HOW MANY TIMES do I turn a deaf ear to this because it happens every single day.

The Lord really begin speaking to me about His heart for His people like never before. What His heart breaks for everyday. The things that pull at His heart strings, that He cannot take His eyes off of... And the thing that was hard about it for me is that I had to watch them walk out of the clinic and not know if I was going to see them again or check on them, or see if they were okay. I felt helpless.

And that's when the Lord just so sweetly said, "Yes Taylor, break for them because that is what my heart breaks for, and right now be sad, it's okay - but you can't carry this around every day and let it steal your joy and make you sad, because then you will not be effective for me. You will not be a light. Use your brokenness to propel ministering to these girls, and other girls just like them. Let it be the lenses you look through and see hope, not their circumstances. Encourage them. Affirm them. Help them. Be me to them." And my perspective just changed in that little moment to what He sees everyday, yet in all of that is still in of Himself, HOPE. It's incredible, really.

Here we go!

The past week has been non-stop, but SO WONDERFUL! Thankful for the Lord's timing with everything and not mine. From getting to see some of my best friends in one of very favorite places on earth, being part of two of my very best friends wedding, and off to Haiti I go... I am so thankful!

Cannot wait to go LOVE on these people.

Happy Wedding Jeff + Caroline, love you both so much.

happy happy happy.

Welcome to the A-T-L!

The past month has been a whirlwind with making a big girl move to the big city. It has been one of the most faith strengthening steps of my life - completely stepping into a new territory, everything unfamiliar, and basically starting over. Beautiful lesson of the sweet Lord being my only comfort, and consistency. His voice booming in those moments of loneliness, awkwardness, and newness. These are the times I definitely want to remember. Moving isn't all that glamorous, as one might think (I'm sure all you rookie real-worlders agree). Being new in town kind of reminds of me of junior high all over again - trying to make new friends, going places alone, walking into a place and knowing no one, and feeling awkward... yep, all that's missing is braces.

With saying that and fully being in the pruning and stripping process the Lord has me in, I have LOVED it. There has been so much fruit as well. I have been incredibly blessed with the Lord placing some of the most wonderful of people around me. I have gotten super close to an AMAZING family who has completely taken me in, I have a job that I adore and that I look forward to going every day - my patients are such a blessing, and sweet friends who have become like family to me. I see the Lord's faithfulness so clearly and I am just trying to soak every ounce of it in. Keeping my eyes on Him, focusing, and trusting, even in the unknown.

Isn't it funny at the end of yourself, you find everything. I have become more in love with the person of Jesus more than ever. Paul got it right,

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing WORTH of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." Philippians 3:8 

The spring semester was a hard one. a growing one. painful one. And though I have not suffered to the extent of Paul, I get a glimpse of what he is saying in a new light. Counting them as rubbish, IN ORDER than I may gain Christ. Yes. I pray that always be the cry of my heart. Whatever may come, that I say yes to the Lord, and to more of Him. Sometimes it takes the storm, to see how deep your roots are. So expectant for the new road He is making, and the story He is weaving...

a best friend's wedding

My sweet sweet roomie and one of my dearest friends, Lauren, got married to her best friend and love of her life this weekend. It was one of the most glorious occasions I've ever been to. The whole experience was such a blessing and honor to be a part of. This wedding was clearly and completely under the banner of the Gospel. It was such a message of how the Church pursues the church, and how the church responds - such an encouragement, and may we all lift the cross as this sweet couple did this weekend. (Not to mention, she was one of the most beautiful brides I have ever seen in my entire life, so happy for you Stege + Lew!)

My cup runneth over.