Day 10

Last night was a late night, so I didn't have time to get my thoughts down for the day. I woke at 5am and didn't get done until 830pm. Last night I had med clinic duty. There is this most precious child named Melissa in there because she has a skin issue (of some sort). Melissa is one of the most adorable children I have ever met. She is wide open & really smart. She makes me laugh, a lot.

We were just sitting in the rocking chair together watching Shrek in Spanish, when I said, "tu eres mi bella amiga" meaning, "you are my beautiful friend" and she said "no". Note: Remember Melissa is two-years-old, she just got to the Orphanage a week ago. I asked her "Why not?" and she responds, in Spanish of course, "The rash on my face makes me very very ugly." .....

This is two days in a row, that literally one sentence a girl has said has left me there completely broken. How does a two year old even gather that she is ugly? These girls truly do not think they are beautiful, and it honestly kills me. It's something that is engrained in them from early on, seeing as Melissa is only two. I'm not sure where this all stems from, but it's not okay to me. My heart hurts for them and I wish there was something I could do/say to make them believe otherwise. It brings me to my knees though. This is a horrible trend here and I pray its a trend that is broken soon.

Don't get my wrong I love the little chicos (boys) here. However, the Lord is revealing this HUGE break my heart for these girls and their worth. They truly are some of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, and most of that beauty is radiating from within. I have worked alongside so many true servants, that adore the Lord- they have taught me leaps & bounds, even given our spanglish relationship. And for that I am forever grateful. Please pray for my sweet friends hearts here. They are very dear to me. I am thankful the Lord has given me this beautiful opportunity to gain their friendship. I am confident the Lord will restore what is lost. And I want to a be a part of it. Whatever it takes.

Day 9: broken & beautiful.

Something happened today that found me completely broken. Today at la cocina (the kitchen) with my four precious Honduran girls was a different day than normal. Everything was done for lunch when I got there so we were just able to talk. A moment came when Rixi (one of the 4 girls) and I were alone.

[Side note: Rixi is absolutely precious. She stands no more than four feet, and has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. She doesn't say much, but that huge smile of hers will get you every time. She and I have kind of bonded per se. We have this unspoken language between us- we just get each other. However, my progressing yet still improving spanish made it possible for us to have a conversation today]

I was telling her how pretty her skirt and shirt were, and she kind of looked down. I asked her what was wrong. After a few moments of silence, she proceeded to tell me that all the girls in her house tell her that she is ugly and not beautiful. I saw pain in her face. My heart broke. Seriously ached. Then she said, again after silence, in spanish with that cute grin of hers, almost as if she could see my brokenness, "It's okay Taylor because I know Jesus thinks I'm beautiful, and that he loves me very much."......


This absolutely killed me. Everything in me had to keep me from crying at that moment. Tears were welling up in my eyes. Here was this precious little girl, 16 years-old before me, broken -- yet she starts hugging me. Admist all her pain, she chooses the Lord. He is her rock, and her strength comes from Him. Though dark clouds surround her she stands strong on the Lord. It is evident. Yet my heart breaks from the circumstances that she daily faces. I wish I could fight her battles for her.

I just held her. I didn't know what else to do.

I'm realizing my heart is breaking for older girls. It tears me up when girls, like we all have, find their worth in affirmations or lack of affirmations from others. Many of the girls here do not believe they are pretty. Frequently throughout the day they tell me they are ugly. It really hits me hard. Really.

This morning I was reading about having a "gentle, and quiet spirit" which is most beautiful to the Lord. Rixi has that. It is interesting that the Lord would have me thinking on this verse, and put a living example before my eyes. Not only does this four-foot beautiful daughter of the Lord and sister of mine radiate the Lord, she inspires me to want to be better person. Please pray for this precious friend of mine. And all of my other sisters who believe the same lie.

"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

{ 1 Peter 3: 3-4 }

Day 8: Honduras

The Lord is teaching me so much, and I'm realizing He is taking me out of every comfort zone to do so. Even comfort zones I didn't realize I had. For that I am thankful. I'm reading Radical by David Platt and was hit with something I read today.

He was talking about the global church and how the Lord in Matthew 28 calls us to "Therefore, go and make disciples of ALL the nations...". He goes on to talk about how making disciples is quite the process. He says,

"Making disciples is not an easy process. It is trying. It is messy. It is slow, tedious, even painful at times. It is all these things because it is relational. Jesus has not given us an effortless step-by-step formula for impacting nations for his glory. He has given us people, and he has said, 'Live for them. Love them, serve them, and lead them. Lead them to follow me, and lead them to lead others to follow me. In the process you will multiply the gospel to the ends of the earth."

At times it's hard here in Honduras with the girls and the language barrier. A lot of these girls have literally been dragged through hell and back, and I hate to fathom what else they have been through. They don't trust people easily but I am thankful they have chosen to let me in. That is not to say that everything is easy and smooth. They have a lot of issues. But when I read this I realized, yes sometimes its hard and painful to get them to let you in, but its worth every second. It's not supposed to be easy, it's a process, with its ups and downs alike. I am thankful for a faithful Saviour that never fails and never leaves, and always sustains. I'm thankful He is the ultimate restorer. I pray that for these girls.

Day 4-5

I love weekends in Honduras, being able to play with the kids all day and explore in town. The kids are so funny and are always keeping you on your toes- you never know what you're going to get. I absolutely love the girls I am with on the trip! It's been such a great experience being able to bond with them here.

Day 3: Honduras

This song is the my jam in the mornings here in Hondo mountains Gungor- The Earth is Yours

This is sweet Iseus, one of the special needs children, that I do physical therapy with in the morning. He is the cutest thing, and has kind of already stolen my heart. He was asleep when I got there I couldn't resist taking a picture-just so adorable.