Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Day 9: broken & beautiful.

Something happened today that found me completely broken. Today at la cocina (the kitchen) with my four precious Honduran girls was a different day than normal. Everything was done for lunch when I got there so we were just able to talk. A moment came when Rixi (one of the 4 girls) and I were alone.

[Side note: Rixi is absolutely precious. She stands no more than four feet, and has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. She doesn't say much, but that huge smile of hers will get you every time. She and I have kind of bonded per se. We have this unspoken language between us- we just get each other. However, my progressing yet still improving spanish made it possible for us to have a conversation today]

I was telling her how pretty her skirt and shirt were, and she kind of looked down. I asked her what was wrong. After a few moments of silence, she proceeded to tell me that all the girls in her house tell her that she is ugly and not beautiful. I saw pain in her face. My heart broke. Seriously ached. Then she said, again after silence, in spanish with that cute grin of hers, almost as if she could see my brokenness, "It's okay Taylor because I know Jesus thinks I'm beautiful, and that he loves me very much."......

This absolutely killed me. Everything in me had to keep me from crying at that moment. Tears were welling up in my eyes. Here was this precious little girl, 16 years-old before me, broken -- yet she starts hugging me. Admist all her pain, she chooses the Lord. He is her rock, and her strength comes from Him. Though dark clouds surround her she stands strong on the Lord. It is evident. Yet my heart breaks from the circumstances that she daily faces. I wish I could fight her battles for her.

I just held her. I didn't know what else to do.

I'm realizing my heart is breaking for older girls. It tears me up when girls, like we all have, find their worth in affirmations or lack of affirmations from others. Many of the girls here do not believe they are pretty. Frequently throughout the day they tell me they are ugly. It really hits me hard. Really.

This morning I was reading about having a "gentle, and quiet spirit" which is most beautiful to the Lord. Rixi has that. It is interesting that the Lord would have me thinking on this verse, and put a living example before my eyes. Not only does this four-foot beautiful daughter of the Lord and sister of mine radiate the Lord, she inspires me to want to be better person. Please pray for this precious friend of mine. And all of my other sisters who believe the same lie.

"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."
{ 1 Peter 3: 3-4 }

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